Saturday, December 25, 2010

Pursuit of Happiness

I've been avoiding this post for the past couple of days...maybe because I'm kind of in denial myself about the entire situation. I know everybody has nice, chirpy, merry holiday posts up right now and for me to even put this out there makes me feel like the one Debbie Downer on this special Christmas day. :/

My boyfriend and I broke up last night. I was the one who had initiated the break-up, so I'm sure it's not hitting me quite as hard as it had hit him. (But in all seriousness...no one comes out of the break-up hurting any "less" than the other. It's a lose-lose situation..) It hurt my heart SO BAD the entire time I was sitting there, trying to not fumble my words as my voice was quavering and my lips trembling. I never thought I would see the day we would grow apart. We had been together for 3 and a half years. I have never given so much of myself to anyone. I know I'm not the easiest girl to put up with, as a matter of fact, I'm POSITIVE that I'm the one girl that no mother wants her son to ever meet. It's just a mere statement that is true...

Although our relationship had spanned several years, I have always seen tall tale signs that we were on the brink of crumbling with each and every fight that severed our patience and trust issues. In the beginning, HE was the one that came fighting and pulling through. Even when I gave him all HELL (it's a defense mechanism of mine that I have whenever I'm in a relationship. I'll "purposely" do things here and there to piss the guy off just so he can leave already. Very stupid and childish of me, but it's my downside that I have to deal with) and yet he would still stay with me. Bitter, hurt, and angry. But through the very end, he'd still be left standing behind me waiting for me.......and now it's at the point recently, where I notice that I've been the one picking up the slack.

In the beginning, I didn't mind having to always bite my tongue and saying "Sorry" to end the fight (even if I knew he was in the wrong). But as the weeks have gone on by, I notice that I have had to change almost the very core of my essence just to appease him when he gets in his fits of anger. And BAM!! Just one night, it hit me out of nowhere. WHY AM I TRYING SO HARD TO SALVAGE something that obviously isn't meant to be? At this point in our lives, this relationship SHOULDN'T HAVE TO be this hard to put back together. I'm grabbing and holding onto him sooo strongly, that when I open the palm of my hand...I feel as though I've just squeezed out everything and in all actuality, nothing remains.

So I broke it off last night, much to the dismay of my gf's (who I turned to for help and advice...trust me, I've been deliberating over this over and over and over and over....) But it had to be done. I went to his family dinner because they had previously invited me. And this was the FIRST year they entered my name into their annual tradition of the Secret Santa exchange. It chokes me up to think that the first year they included me in as their "family", that it has all boiled down to this.

My heart feels hollow and empty....I haven't really cried out all of my emotions yet. My throat feels dry, hoarse, as though there's a hard lump stuck inside it. My eyes are fighting to retain the tears that want to spill. I know I will come out of this stronger and more mature than ever...but for the next couple weeks, I'll just have to walk around with a smile on my face. I don't really know of any other way to exist.....


Monday, December 13, 2010

These volcanos are about to erupt

This winter has been especially hard on my skin...and the snow hasn't even begin to pile up yet. *sigh* For some odd reason, I've been breaking out really badly all along my forehead. It's been driving me crazy! Especially since that's all I can think about whenever I see myself in the mirror (could it be my bangs causing it??) But no one else around me seems to notice it...don't you hate it when ppl say, "Ohh...it's all in your head. I don't see anything!" Maybe that could be the case, but I seriously haven't broken out this much since I was a teen back in high school subsisting on a diet consisting solely of potato chips, pizza's, and soda (damn, that sounds realllllly good right about now. Damn my whole "Don't eat anything after 5 p.m." restriction! Sadface.) It feels as though these volcanos are about to erupt!

I know...I didn't want to put up my bare face but just had to show that I don't have the best skin. I have dull, sallow complexion with some undereye "worry bags", haha. I worry a lot, as you see.

BUT THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY!!! I was able to get rid of all of those nasty little suckers using a very simple regimen!!!!!! I wanted to share with you guys in case anyone else's face has been acting all sorts of crazy. Just fyi, my skin can be classified as more on the dry side (with a oily T-zone).

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The CeraVe Facial Moisturizing Lotion PM has been a complete godsend!!

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I originally read about this one of those celebrity gossip magainzes in which Audrina Patridge states that she puts this right on her face as she boards the airplane. The high altitude tends to dry and suck the moisture right out of your skin, so it's been recommended that you lather up on some good ol' lotion before taking flight.

It can be found at your local drugstore (i.e. CVS, Walgreens, etc). I got mine for $12.99 I believe, not exactly sure but it's under $15 or something. Well worth your money!!

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The next thing I use every night after I take off my makeup is the Boscia Clear Complexion Cleanser w/ Botanical Blast. I have been using this for over 2 and 1/2 years and am in love with it! This is my fourth bottle that I have purchased. It makes your face feel so clean after you wash it off. You should massage it gently all over your face, concentrating on the areas you are prone to your break-outs for up to 1 minute at least. Let it absorb and soak in, then rinse all the residue off! I cannot stress how much this product has saved my skin. You can find it at your local Sephora for $26. Best part? It does not consist of any parabens or sulfates, so it shouldn't irritate most ppl's skin.

So yeppers! I just wash my face every night with the Boscia cleanser, and follow up with a generous amount of the CeraVe night moisturizer all over my face. And BAM!!! I'm good to go. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids throughout the day, too. I know this sounds gross but I go to the bathroom almost every hour while I'm at work, that's HOW MUCH H2O I be drinkin'. It's gotten so routine that some ppl at work have started to spread rumors that I'm bulimic or on drugs (why else would I be in the bathroom, huh? I must be throwin' up my food or snortin' something. So fuckin' lame, folks! I even have pregnancy rumours going around because I've been eating weird things like eggs, pickles & ketchup. But I just like to eat an insane amount of food, and particularly in weird combinations lol. *shrug*)

Hope that helps anybody out there. I know how it feels when your skin does not feel in its prime tip-top condition. I get so self-conscious when someone is standing close to me, even if it's just one tiny itty-bitty beauty blemish. I seriously do think it's all in my head, lol. Please let me know if you have any "tried-and-true" beauty products to keep your skin clear and healthy looking! Thanks :-)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Shakey like a bobblehead, yep!


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Ok, I lied. I guess I can't ever really leave blogspot. It's my home, my sanctuary. My little humble abode where I can release my most inner, deepest thoughts, feelings and fears. So welcome me back! :) (Oh yeah, the picture above is just BEAUTIFUL!!!! I love everything about her style. Her lip color is AMAAAZIIIIIIIIING.)

I just went to Tyson's Corner Mall today. GeeZ, the place is a fuckin' nightmare! Each store's line would have me waiting at least 15-20 minutes, no lie! I just went to get my bf's sister-in-law this bangle from the COACH store. It is the :"COACH POPPY HALF INCH STRIPED HINGED BANGLE" in Amethyst


They normally engage in a "Secret Santa" type activity every year, and finally---after THREE years of being together with him, his family finally decided to include me. I didn't put anything on my Wish List. I just put that I want a gift card from either F21 or Sephora. And I guess, whoever is my Secret Santa asked me a question: "Don't you need anything else?" To which I typed, "Nah. I already got lucky and have Joseph ;)" I'm sure once they read my response, they will either proceed to gag or throw up...hmm, I think a combination of both! Lol! I can't say that I really want anything. I'm more than blessed with all the material possessions that I already have. The ONLY thing I could think that I could *possibly* want is maybe to try out La Mer Cream. But even then...it's really unnecessary, lol. I already treat myself to everything I want. I work very hard, and if I want something---I just get it for myself! No need to wait for someone to get it for me. I'm sure a lot of you ladies can understand. =]


This was what I wore during my chaotic trip to the mall (bf was hella pissed! He had to lug around 6 big shopping bags. Oopsie! :p) I loooooooove my hat so damn much. It's been cold in VA lately. But today was actually quite tolerable. It was cold, but thank God that it wasn't W I N D Y as it had been yesterday! I got this cute hat from H&M. I had no idea that their hats come in sizes. Boy, imagine my surprise when I saw that the tag had said "LARGE". Does that mean I have a fat head? I always thought it wasn't fat. Just very long like an egg-shaped, hahaha. Ohhh, come to think of it. I kinda resemble a bobble head....*sadface*


If only I was nearly half as cute as said bobble head above. Siiiigh. No, you seriously don't understand! One of my co-workers at work is on a softball team. On his off time from try-outs season, he throws paper balls at my head 'cause it's pretty big. He almost always hits me right on target! Grr, I get so pisssssed. But I gotta admit, if I were in his shoes...I would be aiming for me every day, too. Lol.


So the above two products are the only things that I got at Sephora. I wanted the Perfume Sampler Kit because in it includes a voucher for a FREE *FULL-SIZED* version of either of the perfumes that are in the kit. Not a bad deal for $50. I've been using Vera Wang's Princess or the Ed Hardy's women perfume for winter. But I'm looking to venture out. I also got the Sephora Mascara Sampler because if you know anything about me, I HAVE TO HAVE LONG LASHES ('member I'm the one who has used every lash serum product known to mankind...literally). I think long lashes just give such a flirty, youthful appearance. And the thing is, I suck suck suck at false eyelashes. I am so jealous of all you girls who can put those bad babies in less than 10 seconds! It takes me 15 minutes and even then, it looks like dead caterpillars are trying to wiggle off my eyelids. Such a sight for sore eyes *smh*

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Oh btw, to bring you guys up to date. I got me a tattoo! Yay! About fucking time! I have the huuuuugest fear of needles (add to that, cotton balls and killer whales. Stop laughing already! I fear what I fear, hear?) so for me to get it alongside my rib really was quite an experience. I'm not really going to go into what it says...but it's all Gothic font block letterings. I'm itching for more tattoos and that will most likely be taking place very soon *Fingers crossed*

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Leave you guys with a LATE picture of my Halloween this year. This is one of my closest girlfriends. I've known her since middle school.. she's getting married next year. Damn, we all gettin' so o*l*d. Makes me sad..........to be a kid again. I wanna be carefree again...







Eeeeiiii...not sure why the pictures are all different sizes. *facepalm* I fail!